This year is all about moving forward, chasing dreams, and learning patience. It is as painful as it is exciting, just like any big change in life. Seriously though, I feel like I aged 50 years in the last two months. I jumped through tough hurdles and made life-changing, future-defining decisions that almost made me give up.
In my previous blog last May (too long ago!!), I was still trying to decide what I will do with my life and where I will study my MA degree.
Since then, I have decided to study at the University of Potsdam in Germany. Studying and living in the UK has always been my dream. Unfortunately, I can’t afford the cost of living in London, so it will remain a dream. I believe this is the universe telling me to move on and explore another path. It was so heartbreaking to click on that decline button, I didn’t do it until three weeks ago when I paid my registration fee at the University of Potsdam.
The University of Potsdam is a stellar university, but it was plan B for one reason: I can’t speak German. The only phrase I know is auf wiedersehen because I used to watch a lot of Heidi Klum in Project Runway. I don’t even know how to say that properly! It took me sometime before I was able to appreciate this opportunity. I was too hung up on living in the UK (…because Cara Delevingne & Matty Healy) to recognize what a massive achievement this is. The more I read about the program, university, and city, I realized that I should be grateful instead of sulking.
In a few weeks, IF I get a visa, I will be living in Berlin and pursuing my greatest life goal. Berlin is a city I only see in movies, a city which I never in my wildest dreams imagined myself living in. I can’t wait!! Who knows, maybe I’ll feel at home in that city.
Right now though, I’m in the in-between and my anxiety level is through the roof. Have you ever felt like time is flying by so quickly but you seem to be in slow motion? Can I fast forward to the good stuff already?? Lol.
Let me explain. I’m currently waiting for many things. Like, I’m selling my car and I haven’t found a buyer yet. Then, about a week ago, I dented it! So now, I’m waiting for the insurance agency to get back to me so it can get fixed. Along with that, I’m waiting for my visa appointment on the 30th and then for my actual visa to be approved. Everything is still up in the air. The uncertainty brings so much emotional stress and anxiety. It makes me feel vulnerable and I hate that. Being an over-thinker does not help in situations I have no control over. It sucks.
Obviously, patience is not my virtue. However, I think all these things are supposed to happen to prepare me for what is out there, far away from my comfort zone. Maybe, all these are meant to make me braver, wiser, and more resilient.
The last few months were a whirlwind of being confused and making decisions. It is exhausting but I’m pushing forward. I can’t quit now that it is only a FEW WEEKS away!!! I’m just praying hard that I’ll get my visa or else all the hard work goes to waste.
I don’t know what awaits me in Berlin but I’m hoping for good food, cheap awesome beers, wonderful opportunities, and a spectacular new life.
Have you ever lived in Berlin or moved to a completely new city/country? Give me some tips!!
PS: It still feels surreal that I’m draining my savings to pay for my tuition fees and living expenses for this big move. I’m determined to make this on my own.